Lost on You

Certain animals are known to habitually kill younger members to enforce authority.

Sitting there dumbfounded, speechless and close to laughter and tears, words deserted me. They formed beautifully in my head but my wise lips stayed pressed together. We all have those self fulfilling fantasies of telling our boss what we really think and exactly where to stick it but in the majority of cases they stay within our trembling lips.

It’s surprising how this feels both powerless and powerful at the same time.

Emotion is dangerous as the truth is emotional people are not taken seriously in the workplace; words spoken emotionally are dismissed out of hand as much as words spoken during an emotional time.

So we say nothing, we do nothing, and nothing changes

We leave with words unsaid, sentiments unexpressed, but with a little hint of smugness that we have left a less than worthy place with a person who can never really know how you really felt.

But still nothing changes.

If I could steal that moment back in that hard plastic chair in front of the hard faced woman I would say more….for me, for them, for her sake??? Words that would never be heard or would simply be written off in the name of a disgruntled, bitter, ex employee.

But If I could steal back that moment I would gently tell her that a little kindness goes a long way. I would quietly tell her how wonderful the people are that walk within HER walls, who breathe the life into HER livelihood, who are the backbone of HER business. I would calmly tell her that an employee shouldn’t go to work terrified of how they would be bullied that day. I would tenderly question her motives of ruling with fear, dividing staff, and forbidding laughter. I would ask her rationally why she believes treating people like shit makes them work harder.

There are many leadership styles but there are very few leaders.

In a few months when that slamming door on my butt doesn’t sting so much I will more than likely thank her for dismissing me. I will be grateful that the nightmares have stopped, the anxiety has dissolved, and my beaten down confidence has returned. But until I find that serenity I can still hear the bully walking those weather beaten halls beating her chest, flashing her teeth and terrifying everyone in her wake.

Because nothing was said

I just left, silently with nothing but my life intact.

Welcome Back Sweetheart

My favourite part of the day, my favourite part of my job is waking an animal from anesthesia. The vet has left, the attention seeking beeping machines have been turned off and it’s just me and an animal trying to breathe. I love the rush of the sudden wake up and the ripping of the tune from its throat, the confusion of the consciousness, the madness of the blinking, rolling eyes trying to focus on you. The haunting noises the animals makes, the flipping, struggling, grasping for air.

Most of all I love the calm before the confusion sets in. The lazy animals the refuse to wake up to breath on the own, the animals you have to stir from their slumber, shake the dear life back in. The childlike look they give you when they are cold and confused. When you wrap them in a blanket and rock them gently to being again.

I particularly like the ones that take a long time to wake. That spends more time than they are entitled in that land between life and death.

Quiet

In quiet times my instincts kick in.

After the visual Smorgasbord of gorgeous gore and guts of the operation is complete and the animal’s insides are sewn back in, the animal is no longer a science experiment, meat on the slab but a pet, your pet. This is also when the vet leaves.

Vets cure, nurses heal.

A nurse told me the other day that she wanted to be a vet.

How could anyone that has been privileged to the “wake up” ever want to be anything else.

Yes a big part of my day is spent sorting through poo, vomit and other animal juices or cleaning all of the above mentioned. Waiting for dogs to do any of the above mentioned. Sticking thermometers up their bums, needles in their skin, and telling people their pets are fat.

But I also carry sick animals away from anxious owners and then I generally get to walk them back into their owner arms.

I get to soothe them before an operation, I watch over them when they are under and best of all I get to wake them.

Welcome back sweetheart