On Friday June the 11th 1993 I turned 16
On Sunday June the 13th I called my grandparents and thanked them for the card and birthday wishes. I asked my grandfather to take care of himself.
The very next day my grandparents were murdered.
Two weeks later I spoke at the funeral on behalf of their countless grandchildren in front of thousands of mourners.
On Saturday January 20th 2007 my cousin Anthony Perish was arrested for suspicion of 9 murders and 2 attempted murders in a complicated maze but all relating back to actions of revenge for the murders of my grandparents. Since then my other cousin Andrew has also been arrested on similar charges. NSW police have advised that the information relating to this case is so multifaceted that it may take years to sort through and bring these murderers to justice. Rumors have emerged in the press that channel 9’s “underbelly” writers have approached all parties for information for another installment of the record breaking show.
On Saturday January 20th 2007 I sat in my living room with my mother and watch our cousin being arrested and her beloved parents being once again splashed across the television screens.
This blog is personal
This blog will hopefully show you why “Underbelly” should never have been made.
I could tell you about my cousins, about how they freakily look like my brother so much so that when Anthony was named the second most wanted man in Australia I thought they accidently used a picture of my brother as the mug shot. I could tell you about the holidays I spent hiding form them and their cruel games but this isn’t about that time, even though this time is so virtual to my memory and makeup it bears no relevance to the events that took place since that grisly day when my grandparents were drawn into a life they never knew, a life of violence, crime, drugs, a life lived within the underbelly.
My cousins first victim was the man he believed killed his grandparents. He was found in more than 20 pieces in garbage bags in the river. This man was scum, he was the bad kind. Is this how you justify it?
I will not talk about all the killings as some involve the Morans and I rather not dip into that devious pool but I will tell you about two of them. A mother and a young boy. The police are unsure whether they were pushed or forced to jump off a cliff to their deaths however the only link was made when the father (also deceased) pissed my cousin off in some way. Cool hey? Awesome ? Forgive my sharp tongue and cynicism.
Revenge is so sweet, revenge drives many a writer, many a reader. The bloody snowball effect it seems is not just reserved to prime time viewing at channel 9. Except this time the players are not introduced with comical gunshot sounds and cool looking titles and played by has been actors.
To be honest I don’t give a shit about the real people and the second rate actors that think they can play the role to over 2 million viewers a week. Isn’t it funny how the camera doesn’t swing far right enough to the others that are affected? Isn’t it amusing how the camera never shows how this senselessness shapes everyday people? But as long as it looks cool, sleek, and sexily dangerous then its OK.
These men and women that make up the stories told each Sunday night are idiots in both action and IQ. They live in fantasy worlds like a two year old with an imaginary friend. They are dealers, killers, rapists, robbers yet you are all glued to your television sets because it is wrapped in pretty paper.
The success of “Underbelly” is the one of the biggest indictments of the shrinking IQ’s of the Australian public. Harsh? Uncalled for? Then why was Carl Williams’ funeral covered like a royal wedding? How cool did that gold platted coffin look coming in a stretch black hummer. All that money, all that dirty money. And what about that little girl that laid the “daddy” wreath on his grave?
Talking about press. My grandparent’s funeral over 16 years ago was also covered by the press, I remember having to be escorted into the church….. Not even those bloodsuckers knew how big of a story this would eventually become…..
I know some things for certain.
My grandparents killers will never been know
My cousins will never see the light of day again
And channel nine will never get their hands on my family’s stories
Because despite the entrainment value these are MY family stories that happened to real people like me.
Please remember that next time you tune into “Underbelly” at channel 9.
Shame on you channel 9 for forgoing your morals for cheap ratings.
But mostly I’m ashamed of the ones that watch this every Sunday
I would love to sit with you all on one Sunday with a cup of tea and a thousand stories of how this flawed seduction underbelly life ripped my family apart.
But then again you would just hang on every juicy criminal word……
30 April 2010
27 April 2010
Security Blanket
In our contemporary lives we don’t often talk about courage unless great tragedy touches us. But it still exists in the very small things we do in our very small lives.
We also see the opposite, the ones that stay in dead end jobs, loveless relationships, and suffocating friendships. The ones that err on the side of caution, who dare not challenge the status quo, who sit within comfort in sometimes very uncomfortable situations.
It’s so tough to make changes, to actually put dreams into action; it’s so tough in fact that most of us never ever will. Because it’s so hard and it exposes you to the unknown and let’s be honest there is nothing scarier than the unknown. So maybe it is better to just do what we have always done, continue in our safe lives never asking for more that what is before us. Maybe it is normal to feel suffocated, to be held back, to feel frustrated, to feel comfortable in a very uncomfortable situation.
Even sitting here right now I can find hundreds of reasons why not to.
Change, achieve, change, move forward, change…
It’s too easy to stay the same
It’s too easy to stay and complain
It’s too easy to blame others for your failure
It’s too easy to be held back by your situation
It’s too easy to fall off the wagon
It’s too easy to die here
There are a few women in my life that have shown great courage in the last few weeks. Women that may not even be aware how big of a step they have taken. Women that have shown a rare courage by taking a big scary step towards a new beginning. One has taken her career by the horns and dared to ask for more and the other has left a great love and friendship that was holding her back.
It sounds like the simplest thing to do. Leaving a situation that was making you unhappy makes so much sense……on paper at least. Leaving behind the security, the certainty that only unhappiness can assure, walking away is anything but easy.
Besides if it was so easy more would dare to do it.
My fingers are crossed for both of you and now thanks to you I have some of my own dragons to slay.
“Courage is being scared to death but saddling up anyway”
John Wayne
We also see the opposite, the ones that stay in dead end jobs, loveless relationships, and suffocating friendships. The ones that err on the side of caution, who dare not challenge the status quo, who sit within comfort in sometimes very uncomfortable situations.
It’s so tough to make changes, to actually put dreams into action; it’s so tough in fact that most of us never ever will. Because it’s so hard and it exposes you to the unknown and let’s be honest there is nothing scarier than the unknown. So maybe it is better to just do what we have always done, continue in our safe lives never asking for more that what is before us. Maybe it is normal to feel suffocated, to be held back, to feel frustrated, to feel comfortable in a very uncomfortable situation.
Even sitting here right now I can find hundreds of reasons why not to.
Change, achieve, change, move forward, change…
It’s too easy to stay the same
It’s too easy to stay and complain
It’s too easy to blame others for your failure
It’s too easy to be held back by your situation
It’s too easy to fall off the wagon
It’s too easy to die here
There are a few women in my life that have shown great courage in the last few weeks. Women that may not even be aware how big of a step they have taken. Women that have shown a rare courage by taking a big scary step towards a new beginning. One has taken her career by the horns and dared to ask for more and the other has left a great love and friendship that was holding her back.
It sounds like the simplest thing to do. Leaving a situation that was making you unhappy makes so much sense……on paper at least. Leaving behind the security, the certainty that only unhappiness can assure, walking away is anything but easy.
Besides if it was so easy more would dare to do it.
My fingers are crossed for both of you and now thanks to you I have some of my own dragons to slay.
“Courage is being scared to death but saddling up anyway”
John Wayne
14 April 2010
Team.....Mormon???
I have a confession to make.
It will shock many of you, even appall some of you but it doesn’t change the fact that I Evee Frances Perich read the Twilight Series.
WHAT
Me, yes me, the same girl that won’t even glance past the literature section in the bookstore. I have in the past rightly or wrongly been called a book snob so why in the hell did I slum it with the “Twihards” (isn’t that what the cool kids call it?)
2 reasons
I justify this fall from grace in two very clever ways
1. I’m obsessed with Mormons – we all know it, we all like to pretend that my gift of slipping in Mormon references into everyday conversation is quirky and endearing but lets be honest it isn’t even healthy.
2. I’ve been guilty of that really annoying trait of bagging something that I haven’t even read or seen so I clearly had to read all 4 books so I could bag the shit out of it with some sort of authority.
What I found within those pages both delighted and disgusted me.
Delighted because those books were FULL of Mormon goodness! You couldn’t even look sideways without a delectable Mormon undertone. The temptations, the isolation, the abstinence, the discipline, the imprinting was all so mouth-wateringly Mormon. But that fed my obsession not really sure what it would’ve done for you……
Disgusted because the books were full of other coded messages. Now I do get the romance of it all – a handsome vampire and a hot werewolf fighting over a klutzy plain girl – I mean it’s a winning script and lets be honest a worldwide hit and I’m not taking that away from the author but what I am questioning her about is the outdated and dangerous messages she is sending to young girls across the globe.
A lot of shit happens over the four installments in this saga but I could sum up the plot in a few sentences.
Girl meets boy that she believes she isn’t good enough for, changes her whole life to be accepted by him, when she was rejected her life stops she becomes depressed almost catatonic, boy comes back saved her from her boringness, she become obsessed again because she feels she is nothing without him and changes her entire life (including leaving her mortal life) to be accepted into his world. (And that is not even addressing the sick themes of abuse and pedophiles)
By what about the magic, the mystic themes, the romance.
Dress it up with vampire teeth and werewolf claws but the only dangerous thing in this series is the message it is sending to MILLIONS of teenage girls (and the older ones that are still waiting for their vampire in shining amour).
There are many people and many organisations that are trying to ban this book from schools and young peoples reading lists and it’s not just because of the heavy religious themes.
If I had a daughter I would tell her that beauty is the greatest myth of the modern world.
I would tell her that her worth is solely dependant on her actions and beliefs and not wrapped up in what others think of her.
I would tell her that true success is not finding a husband but can be measured in far more interesting and life changing ways.
I would never let her wait for a phone call, a ring and an ugly white dress to validated her and I would certainly ban her from seeing any boy that would change her in the smallest way let alone take her family and mortality.
It’s just a silly teenage series right?
Wrong it’s just another book, another picture, another distorted message sent to the most vulnerable of our society. It’s just another reason for girls to reach for the impossible and hate themselves for not reaching it.
But it’s the dreamy Robert Patterson and that hot werewolf guy and the third film is coming out in a few months and I can’t wait to see what happens to Bella. Plus everyone else will see it and talk about it……
Stephenie Meyer thank you for encouraging teenagers to pick up a book once more it’s just such a shame that you created this addictive text to further convince them that they are just not good enough.
P.S thank you for the Mormon goodness although the fourth novel kinda took it too far and went into the whole creepy area of your faith.
It will shock many of you, even appall some of you but it doesn’t change the fact that I Evee Frances Perich read the Twilight Series.
WHAT
Me, yes me, the same girl that won’t even glance past the literature section in the bookstore. I have in the past rightly or wrongly been called a book snob so why in the hell did I slum it with the “Twihards” (isn’t that what the cool kids call it?)
2 reasons
I justify this fall from grace in two very clever ways
1. I’m obsessed with Mormons – we all know it, we all like to pretend that my gift of slipping in Mormon references into everyday conversation is quirky and endearing but lets be honest it isn’t even healthy.
2. I’ve been guilty of that really annoying trait of bagging something that I haven’t even read or seen so I clearly had to read all 4 books so I could bag the shit out of it with some sort of authority.
What I found within those pages both delighted and disgusted me.
Delighted because those books were FULL of Mormon goodness! You couldn’t even look sideways without a delectable Mormon undertone. The temptations, the isolation, the abstinence, the discipline, the imprinting was all so mouth-wateringly Mormon. But that fed my obsession not really sure what it would’ve done for you……
Disgusted because the books were full of other coded messages. Now I do get the romance of it all – a handsome vampire and a hot werewolf fighting over a klutzy plain girl – I mean it’s a winning script and lets be honest a worldwide hit and I’m not taking that away from the author but what I am questioning her about is the outdated and dangerous messages she is sending to young girls across the globe.
A lot of shit happens over the four installments in this saga but I could sum up the plot in a few sentences.
Girl meets boy that she believes she isn’t good enough for, changes her whole life to be accepted by him, when she was rejected her life stops she becomes depressed almost catatonic, boy comes back saved her from her boringness, she become obsessed again because she feels she is nothing without him and changes her entire life (including leaving her mortal life) to be accepted into his world. (And that is not even addressing the sick themes of abuse and pedophiles)
By what about the magic, the mystic themes, the romance.
Dress it up with vampire teeth and werewolf claws but the only dangerous thing in this series is the message it is sending to MILLIONS of teenage girls (and the older ones that are still waiting for their vampire in shining amour).
There are many people and many organisations that are trying to ban this book from schools and young peoples reading lists and it’s not just because of the heavy religious themes.
If I had a daughter I would tell her that beauty is the greatest myth of the modern world.
I would tell her that her worth is solely dependant on her actions and beliefs and not wrapped up in what others think of her.
I would tell her that true success is not finding a husband but can be measured in far more interesting and life changing ways.
I would never let her wait for a phone call, a ring and an ugly white dress to validated her and I would certainly ban her from seeing any boy that would change her in the smallest way let alone take her family and mortality.
It’s just a silly teenage series right?
Wrong it’s just another book, another picture, another distorted message sent to the most vulnerable of our society. It’s just another reason for girls to reach for the impossible and hate themselves for not reaching it.
But it’s the dreamy Robert Patterson and that hot werewolf guy and the third film is coming out in a few months and I can’t wait to see what happens to Bella. Plus everyone else will see it and talk about it……
Stephenie Meyer thank you for encouraging teenagers to pick up a book once more it’s just such a shame that you created this addictive text to further convince them that they are just not good enough.
P.S thank you for the Mormon goodness although the fourth novel kinda took it too far and went into the whole creepy area of your faith.
10 April 2010
Fly me to the Moon
I have a dream…………
I had a dream. We all did
Once
They would sprout freely from our juvenile minds with a certainty only innocence could muster. They were naturally going to come true. Even the fantastical, the absurd, the ridiculous would come true as dreams in those days were simply windows to the future, inner knowledge of what we would become.
I’ve never met anyone who fantasised about being an
Accountant
Public Servant
Factory worker
Unemployed
Ordinary
In fact all out childish dreams centered on being extraordinary
I believe the biggest heartbreak of growing up is realising how very ordinary we are. How very ordinary life is, work is, love is.
Evolution is our undoing. Intelligence is often our enemy.
This is all very bleak and selfish, self fulfilling, self-centered, self
There are some people that never stop dreaming, who never stop achieving, challenging, believing. There are people that climb mountains, sail solo around the world, volunteer for the needy, win gold medals, lead countries, save pandas. There are people that take our breath away, inspire us, and move us.
We are all so willing to be moved
From our couches, our homes, our jobs, our lives.
We are starving for stimulation
We are famished for everything other than food
We turn dreams into achievable goals to avoid disappointment
We move so fast in order to confuse the reality of tedium
We are busy, busy, and busy until we burn out
We consume to fill holes in our houses, our lives, and our hearts
We buy, buy, and buy until there is nothing left in the shops or our wallets
We eat because we’re bored; we drink because we’re sad
We breed because we’re bored; we buy because we’re sad
We sleep because we’re bored; we fight because we’re sad
We fuck because we’re bored; we cheat because we’re sad
And then we eat again.
Our hearts still beat so we look around for leaders
We look, we look, and we look some more.
We look for something that will change this, us, the world
Yet we still scoff at the ones that choose to believe in things unseen, that choose to read from ancient pages, and pronounce ancient prayers.
We come up empty, we barely believe in ourselves so how could we ever believe in something like god?
But this isn’t about god (although many may dispute that fact) this is about human beings being human. In the evolution stakes we asked for more than our share and tortured ourselves with the consequences ever since.
We have been to the moon
Which brings me back to childish dreams and fantastical things like astronauts.
When I was six years old I dreamt of becoming a writer and living in a stylish black and white apartment in New York City.
I write these words from my black and white room 27 years later
I’ve been to over 20 countries but I’ve never been to America, I’ve never seen New York City.
I could
I could get on a plane
I could plan a trip
I could sell everything and go for it
But I’m 32
I’m tied to this life
People depend on me
Bills need to be paid
Bills need to be created
I can’t leave everything behind
I can’t
My time has passed…….
I can’t, as the truth is, my heart would break to see how far I’ve fallen from those beautiful childish dreams.
My heart would break to see how adult I have become.
So it’s best not to upset the apple cart
To rock the boat……
Taking about boats
Welcome back Jessica
Good to see the Pink Lady in Aussie waters once more
I had a dream. We all did
Once
They would sprout freely from our juvenile minds with a certainty only innocence could muster. They were naturally going to come true. Even the fantastical, the absurd, the ridiculous would come true as dreams in those days were simply windows to the future, inner knowledge of what we would become.
I’ve never met anyone who fantasised about being an
Accountant
Public Servant
Factory worker
Unemployed
Ordinary
In fact all out childish dreams centered on being extraordinary
I believe the biggest heartbreak of growing up is realising how very ordinary we are. How very ordinary life is, work is, love is.
Evolution is our undoing. Intelligence is often our enemy.
This is all very bleak and selfish, self fulfilling, self-centered, self
There are some people that never stop dreaming, who never stop achieving, challenging, believing. There are people that climb mountains, sail solo around the world, volunteer for the needy, win gold medals, lead countries, save pandas. There are people that take our breath away, inspire us, and move us.
We are all so willing to be moved
From our couches, our homes, our jobs, our lives.
We are starving for stimulation
We are famished for everything other than food
We turn dreams into achievable goals to avoid disappointment
We move so fast in order to confuse the reality of tedium
We are busy, busy, and busy until we burn out
We consume to fill holes in our houses, our lives, and our hearts
We buy, buy, and buy until there is nothing left in the shops or our wallets
We eat because we’re bored; we drink because we’re sad
We breed because we’re bored; we buy because we’re sad
We sleep because we’re bored; we fight because we’re sad
We fuck because we’re bored; we cheat because we’re sad
And then we eat again.
Our hearts still beat so we look around for leaders
We look, we look, and we look some more.
We look for something that will change this, us, the world
Yet we still scoff at the ones that choose to believe in things unseen, that choose to read from ancient pages, and pronounce ancient prayers.
We come up empty, we barely believe in ourselves so how could we ever believe in something like god?
But this isn’t about god (although many may dispute that fact) this is about human beings being human. In the evolution stakes we asked for more than our share and tortured ourselves with the consequences ever since.
We have been to the moon
Which brings me back to childish dreams and fantastical things like astronauts.
When I was six years old I dreamt of becoming a writer and living in a stylish black and white apartment in New York City.
I write these words from my black and white room 27 years later
I’ve been to over 20 countries but I’ve never been to America, I’ve never seen New York City.
I could
I could get on a plane
I could plan a trip
I could sell everything and go for it
But I’m 32
I’m tied to this life
People depend on me
Bills need to be paid
Bills need to be created
I can’t leave everything behind
I can’t
My time has passed…….
I can’t, as the truth is, my heart would break to see how far I’ve fallen from those beautiful childish dreams.
My heart would break to see how adult I have become.
So it’s best not to upset the apple cart
To rock the boat……
Taking about boats
Welcome back Jessica
Good to see the Pink Lady in Aussie waters once more
04 April 2010
The Justice Men
Kicking back in our comfy chairs it’s very easy to cast stones. To judge over our gluttonous guts of smugness, righteousness and entitlement. To point out the places of less worth, less humanity … less money.
Things are just
Equal
Things are done right in our society.
If we peel back the feeble layers that make up our society it would shock many how thin those layers actually are.
If you stood close enough and peered in hard enough you would feel a slight breeze, not a ferocious wind, not even a gust but a breeze that runs between the tiny gap dividing war and peace, shelter and the street, justice and injustice.
We are only human after all
Human in all its brilliance and blunder
We are only one thin layer between right and wrong.
We are only animals after all
Animals in all its hostility and harmony
We are only one thin layer between walking on all fours and dominating the world.
We base our superiority on the strong, righteous idea of justice. Westerners have built a society fashioned around the idea of Justice. Finding it, keeping it and controlling it.
Justice is a thing of beauty, its safe, it keeps us safe.
The one mistake we made is that we trusted ourselves to keep it.
We fashioned a society around the idea that justice was bigger than us all, the blueprint to our lives, a greater being…. Controlled and determined by us, mere humans.
19 years ago a 12 year old girl called Leanne Holland was brutally snuffed out from our world. Righteous men in uniforms and badges focused in on a 28 year old Graham Stafford and despite evidence to the contrary sent an innocent man for killing innocence to life in prison.
19 years later he still maintain his innocence
19 years later the justice man realised they may have caused an injustice
19 years later the justice system has refused to look for justice any further
17 years ago my 91 and 94 year old grandparents were brutally snuffed out from our world. Righteous men in uniforms and badges focused in on my 61 year old uncle and despite evidence to the contrary attempted to send him to jail.
17 years later he still maintains his innocence
17 years later justice men realised they bungled the investigation so much they doubt the real killer will ever be found.
I could go on
I could bring up hundreds of cases.
But we are mere humans after all.
There is nothing I can do to find my grandparent’s killer as the justice men were so focused on framing the innocent they didn’t even collect vital evidence.
The case is cold, stone cold
But there is something we can do for Graham Stafford.
We can’t give him back those 15 years, we can’t be there to soothe his nightmares for the rest of his tortured years but we can ask for the decision to not have another retrial to be overturned.
We can ask for justice
His
Leanne’s
Her family's
Queensland’s
Justice
If you have been following this case please show your support and sign this online petition.
Because we are only mere humans, but with your support we are many
And many cannot be ignored.
http://www.gopetition.com.au/online/35248.html
Things are just
Equal
Things are done right in our society.
If we peel back the feeble layers that make up our society it would shock many how thin those layers actually are.
If you stood close enough and peered in hard enough you would feel a slight breeze, not a ferocious wind, not even a gust but a breeze that runs between the tiny gap dividing war and peace, shelter and the street, justice and injustice.
We are only human after all
Human in all its brilliance and blunder
We are only one thin layer between right and wrong.
We are only animals after all
Animals in all its hostility and harmony
We are only one thin layer between walking on all fours and dominating the world.
We base our superiority on the strong, righteous idea of justice. Westerners have built a society fashioned around the idea of Justice. Finding it, keeping it and controlling it.
Justice is a thing of beauty, its safe, it keeps us safe.
The one mistake we made is that we trusted ourselves to keep it.
We fashioned a society around the idea that justice was bigger than us all, the blueprint to our lives, a greater being…. Controlled and determined by us, mere humans.
19 years ago a 12 year old girl called Leanne Holland was brutally snuffed out from our world. Righteous men in uniforms and badges focused in on a 28 year old Graham Stafford and despite evidence to the contrary sent an innocent man for killing innocence to life in prison.
19 years later he still maintain his innocence
19 years later the justice man realised they may have caused an injustice
19 years later the justice system has refused to look for justice any further
17 years ago my 91 and 94 year old grandparents were brutally snuffed out from our world. Righteous men in uniforms and badges focused in on my 61 year old uncle and despite evidence to the contrary attempted to send him to jail.
17 years later he still maintains his innocence
17 years later justice men realised they bungled the investigation so much they doubt the real killer will ever be found.
I could go on
I could bring up hundreds of cases.
But we are mere humans after all.
There is nothing I can do to find my grandparent’s killer as the justice men were so focused on framing the innocent they didn’t even collect vital evidence.
The case is cold, stone cold
But there is something we can do for Graham Stafford.
We can’t give him back those 15 years, we can’t be there to soothe his nightmares for the rest of his tortured years but we can ask for the decision to not have another retrial to be overturned.
We can ask for justice
His
Leanne’s
Her family's
Queensland’s
Justice
If you have been following this case please show your support and sign this online petition.
Because we are only mere humans, but with your support we are many
And many cannot be ignored.
http://www.gopetition.com.au/online/35248.html
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