Take me, not them

I merge with arrogance sometimes even without a glance as I just expect others to do the right thing. For those who know me this is such a contradiction to my nature or is that nurture?

Sometimes I act with total disregard to my own safety – I secretly believe these are my finest moments. Anyone that was forced to be a good girl will understand that thrill that comes with reckless abandonment.

I figure seeing I don’t have a family I can be sacrificed to a road accident or freak occurrence. Better me than a woman with children, a partner, a home. I hate how our government rules to the whim of the family man yet I too place those strangers above my own significance. These same strangers that drive me nuts with their modern Mother rage in supermarkets. For Christ sake, take me, not them.

It is really possible that we were born as halves and we only finally become complete when we partner? I’m terrified that this is true, that with all that is wonderful and captivating in this world it would simply come down to something so plain.
I watch unhappy couples with arrogance. Fools, fools to fairytales, predictability, and night time TV.

Am I just bitter, twisted and torn up or do I stand on tippy toes for reasons less acidic? There must be a higher purpose than squeezing out pups. Talking about pups – we are animals too yet no creature comes close to our emotional maturity, our superior intellect, our ability to evolve and adapt. This alone must call us to a higher purpose.

I am the difficult kind, I struggle to just be, I fight against the middle line – this is the thing that pushes me to the edges I have danced alone for the last few years. I am the difficult kind.

Yet I love silly things, stupid things, worthless things. Cups of tea, red dresses, and the sound of chooks. I spend hours on things less honorable, less consequential, less scholarly, less on a life more meaningful. Life is like that. It can’t always been about scientist discoveries and Noble peace prizes as occasionally we need to drink too much wine, watch hours of soapies, dress in red and love someone less worthy. Sometimes we need to merge with arrogance without even a glance as in the end it doesn’t matter or does it?

Maybe that is why others seek others, why they search for someone else to find some reason not to collide on the freeway, a reason to look, indicate and merge safely so they can return safely to the loved one, to their children, to their home and their night time TV.