Silent Witness

There are things I want to say that I won’t. In a previous life under a previous name I said too much, too fast, too harshly, and way too often.

I lost my voice 2 years ago interestingly enough I have a lot more friends now.

My tongue stays at bay while my heart lies its guts out.

These words are not things of war but rather love but that doesn’t mean they don’t sting like a slug to the guts.

I feel more helpless without my amour of words; this sitting back and letting things go isn’t moving me anywhere closer to where I want to be.

I let things slide, avalanches of wrongs, I let love ones get crushed under the rocks and snow.

It isn’t about diplomacy as diplomats move the earth with gentle words; I move nothing, certainly not my lips.

I affect nothing, I just keep the gentle waves rolling and rocking and never making anyone seasick.

I’m scared for you, I care for you, I don’t want you to go, you have to leave this place, you need to care about yourself more, you take advantage of me, you isolate me, you disappoint me, your dying inside, your spinning out of control, I don’t know if I can catch you, I wish you would stay in one place long enough to fall in love, I want you to miss me when I’m gone, I want you to wake up and see what they are doing, I want you to find joy again as its been so long since you last laughed, I want you know that I know you are hurting and I’m tired of your tough guy act. I need you to step up, stop being a victim you’re stronger than you think. Stop waiting just stop waiting for others to complete you, to me you are whole. Stop moving for one second and realise the joy right in front of you.

I was a communicator; I even won awards for my skill.

I’ve seen the world when nothing made sense, when everything was upside down and violently wrong. When even my screams made no difference at all so now to keep things upright I simply say nothing at all.